Developing "Bad" Habits

Over the past few weeks I've had this nagging voice in my head that just won't go away. 

It keeps saying, 

"You better stop. You're developing bad habits...in fact, they're pretty well developed already..." 

Who knew that such little things in parenting could be "bad habits"???

I guess I knew. I remember being the nanny that thought, "I will never do a, b, or c with my kids."

And yet, here I am. 

I'm here to make a confession. 

I lay in bed with my 8 month old to help him fall asleep. 

Every night {almost}

and for every.single.nap. 

Honestly, I'm not sure if it's me laying with him that helps him fall asleep, or if its being in a bed and not his crib. When he goes in his crib he seems to think its time to play...but in the bed he snuggles right up and goes to sleep. If only we could transition to the bed already...too soon??

I remember many nights laying with a 3 year old as a nanny just waiting for her to fall asleep and telling myself how I would NEVER create this "bad habit" with my kids. Well, well, well. 

Never say never! 

It's a lot easier to not create "bad habits" when you are only putting a child to bed a few nights a week...and when you aren't always with them all night long either. 

And okay, now as a mom, I find myself asking, "Really? What is a 'bad habit' any way??"

Of course, I already know that most parenting and sleep books will tell me that my story is a text book example of a "bad habit". 

From rocking to sleep, to snuggling to sleep, to nursing your baby to sleep, to giving your baby a pacifier...they're ALL bad habits. 

Or are they? 

What really IS a bad habit anyway? 

Well, instead of turning to the age old parenting books, I decided to turn to my good friend Google! 

I googled it. 

Define: Bad Habit

"A negative behavior pattern" 

Okay, I will agree that my laying with Christian until he falls asleep is FOR SURE a behavior pattern. But is it really negative????

Of course, I went to Google once again! 

Define: Negative

"Not desirable" 

Interesting. 

What am I desiring in this situation? 

A sleeping child. 

What am I getting with my "bad habit"???

A sleeping child. 

That sounds like I am getting the desired outcome. It is a pattern, but far from negative...IMO. 

I enjoy those precious moments of snuggling with my sweet boy until he falls asleep. And yes, they're only moments. That kid is zonked out within a matter of minutes! If he hasn't fallen asleep after 5 minutes, he just isn't tired. 

Oh...and once he's out..he SLEEPS. Like 1.5-2 hour naps and 9-10 hours through the night! 

You can't tell me that is negative. 

I actually look forward to these snuggles too! 

And when he actually lets me rock him to sleep...I love that even more!! 

Maybe I'll feel differently when he is 3...but for now we are embracing the "bad habit" and calling it successful sleep snuggles. 

I will feel guilty no more! :)

What "bad habits" are you embracing today?

We love sleepy time snuggles :) 

The Parent Room

Does your church have a Parent Room? 

That room in the back of the church all set up with cozy rocking chairs, toys, and TV screens so you can watch the service...all while being segregated from the rest of the church. 

This wasn't my perspective on the Parent Room before having a baby. I used to think how great it was for churches to have a space for parents and children to still participate in the worship service. But now, now I feel more of an obligation to go to this room whenever Christian makes a peep during church even when people just turn and smile at our cute little {sometimes too chatty}baby boy.

Don't get me wrong, I love when Christian makes people smile, but I still feel a tinge of guilt when I get these looks as I'm trying to help Christian hold back his chatty thoughts. 

I know the Parent Room exists to allow families to still experience church without disturbing others, but:

How much is too much? 

How loud is too loud? 

When I'm in the Parent Room watching the service, I might as well be cozied up on my couch at home watching the service. 

I feel segregated. 

It's as if I'm walking around with a sign on my forehead:

I'm with a Baby. I will proceed to the Parent Room. 

But just because I have a baby who maybe sometimes makes some noise in church does that really mean I have to sit in the Parent Room?  

Maybe all of his jabbering is actually him praying in tongues. I don't have the gift of interpreting tongues, so I couldn't tell you, but maybe! 

Yes. My church not only offers a Parent Room but also offers a Nursery with free childcare. 

But maybe I want my child in church with me. Maybe I want him to experience worship. And maybe I want him to feel like just because he has energy and a voice he doesn't have to leave church but in fact is welcomed there too. 

There is always the question, though, of how much am I actually getting out of church by having my child there with me? Half the time I rarely remember what the sermon was even about because I spend the whole time worrying about whether Christian is too loud or finding another toy to entertain him or sometimes even feeding him during the service. 

Now that Christian is 6 months old and getting older and more active every day, I'm needing to find a solution. Not just a solution, though, but a balance. A balance between teaching him to worship and love church and God and know that he is accepted and welcomed in this place but also allowing me to experience those same things. 

I grew up going to church every Sunday experiencing the full service. It was a much more traditional service, but I was there for all of it. I had my moments where I would escape and crawl under all the pews and make a real scene, but I experienced church with my family. But I also learned that church was a boring place where you needed to be quiet. I don't want Christian to learn this either. 

So what's the answer, the solution, the balance? 

Do I take him to child care now? Every other week? Do I sit in the parent room and be distracted not just by my own child but those of others as well, yet form bonds and relationships with the other parents in the room? Or do I continue to boycott the parent room and just take Christian to the full church service? He really loves the lights and the music.

Right now we have been mainly sitting outside the parent room. A lot of parents seem to sit in this area. It's still fully part of the worship center and with all the other people at church. It's just close to the parent room so if your little one does get too loud you can quickly make your exit.

I guess I like this option, but I almost wish that it was a designated family section. Still part of the church service but surrounded by those who've also "been there" and are understanding of sometimes chatty little ones. In some ways this is basically what it is, but not formally.

Now, don't get me wrong, no one has ever really given us dirty looks or anything like that. I just always worry that I'm disrupting someone's quiet, intimate time with God by keeping my little guy in the service. And I'm thankful for the Parent Room so that I can still experience church when Christian does have those times where he gets way out of hand, but I just don't want to feel pressured to go there...But maybe I'm creating the pressure myself....

Do you sit in the Parent Room at church? Do you start there or do you move there if your little one gets too noisy? How do you decide how much is too much and how loud is too loud? Do you like the Parent Room? Or do you feel segregated and pressured to go there? 

I AM A CAPABLE PARENT TOO.

Dads don't get enough credit. Here's some thoughts from the best dad I know, my hubby! 

Definition of a Rant from Urban Dictionary:

To speak aggressively about something, or to take on your own tangent about a subject and talk for a long time about it in a passionate manner.

I just want to be crystal clear on what this post is about.  This is dedicated to everyone.  If you are questioning if this post applies to you.. guess what it probably does!!!

I work my butt off for my family.  I am the main breadwinner in our family not because that is the only thing I am capable of doing, it’s because it’s the right choice for my family.  Just because I am not home all day with my son like my wife is, and I don’t have breasts (or breastmilk!), doesn't me I am not a capable parent. 

I am a dad, and I AM A CAPABLE PARENT.

It’s not the 50’s, 60’s, 70’s, 80’s, 90’s or even 00’s anymore.  This isn't your old school generation. 

If my baby boy is crying… I’m a capable parent, believe it or not, I can calm him down!

If my baby boy is fussing… I’m a capable parent, believe it or not, I can calm him down!

If my baby boy needs a new diaper… WOW I’m a capable parent, I can do that!

If my baby boy is hungry… I know how to hold a bottle, WOW I’m a capable parent!

If my baby boy is in an unsafe position or is in danger… WOW I’m a capable parent I can recognize that!

Please STOP saying ‘I think he needs Mommy’, ‘I think he wants Mommy’, ‘Here is Mommy’.

Don’t get me wrong, I have an amazing wife!  She is an ‘uber mommy’ that can handle any situation that comes her way.  I am so incredibly proud of her and thankful that she is my partner in life and the momma to my baby boy.  

But please, watch what you say… don’t demean me, especially in front of my wife, let alone my baby boy.  I’d love a little encouragement and support, but don’t assume I am not capable.

Even if you can’t embrace that a dad can be a truly capable parent, that’s ok, because this rant isn't for you.  It’s for me.  It will be a reminder to me of the type of parent I am, and always will want to be.  These will be the values and sense of responsibility I will pass onto my son.

The end.